Tag: Gratitude

Unrepayable Love

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Unrepayable Love

To live with integrity is to live in alignment with truth — not just the truth we speak, but the truth we embody. It’s a quiet, steady force that shapes our thoughts, words, and actions. Integrity is not about perfection or performance; it’s about consistency, humility, and the courage to live by our values, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.

At the heart of integrity lies a quality that is often overlooked in modern life: gratitude.

Gratitude is more than saying “thank you.” It’s a deep, inner recognition of the countless ways we are supported by others. It’s the awareness that we are not self-made, that our lives are woven from the care, labor, and love of those who came before us and those who walk beside us. Gratitude is the antidote to entitlement. It softens the ego, opens the heart, and reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves.

A person who lacks gratitude lives in a state of disconnection — from others, from the world, and from their own humanity. They may appear successful or self-sufficient on the outside, but inside, there is a hollowness, a sense of isolation. Gratitude, on the other hand, connects us. It roots us in relationship. It reminds us that every meal, every breath, every opportunity is a gift — not a guarantee.

Nowhere is this more evident than in our relationship with our parents.

From the moment we are conceived, our parents begin giving. They give their bodies, their time, their energy, their sleep, their dreams. They carry us, feed us, clean us, comfort us, teach us, and protect us. They make sacrifices we may never fully understand. Even when they are imperfect — and all parents are — the sheer magnitude of what they give is staggering.

And yet, in the rush of modern life, it’s easy to forget. We grow up, move out, build careers, start families of our own. We become busy, distracted, preoccupied. Sometimes we carry wounds from childhood, unresolved tensions, or misunderstandings. But even in the most complicated relationships, there remains a truth that cannot be erased: our parents gave us life. They gave us our first breath, our first nourishment, our first glimpse of the world.

To repay that gift is no small task. In fact, it’s said that even if we were to carry our mother on one shoulder and our father on the other for a hundred years — caring for them, feeding them, cleaning them, enduring every hardship — we still would not have repaid them. Even if we gave them the entire world, filled with treasures and riches, it would not be enough.

Why? Because what they gave us is beyond measure. They gave us the foundation of our existence. They gave us the chance to live, to grow, to awaken.

But there is a deeper form of repayment — one that goes beyond physical care or material offerings. If our parents lack spiritual grounding, and we help them find faith… if they struggle with ethical choices, and we guide them toward integrity… if they are closed off, and we inspire generosity… if they are confused or lost, and we help them discover wisdom… then we are offering them something truly transformative. We are not just repaying them — we are uplifting them.

This kind of repayment is not transactional. It’s not about balancing a ledger. It’s about love. It’s about honoring the sacred bond between parent and child. It’s about seeing our parents not just as caregivers, but as fellow human beings — with their own fears, hopes, and potential for growth.

In many spiritual traditions, honoring one’s parents is considered one of the highest virtues. It’s not just a cultural value — it’s a spiritual practice. It teaches us humility, compassion, and reverence. It reminds us that the path of awakening is not separate from the path of relationship. How we treat those who raised us is a reflection of how deeply we understand the teachings of love and truth.

Of course, not all parent-child relationships are easy. Some are marked by pain, neglect, or even harm. In such cases, honoring our parents may look different. It may mean setting boundaries, seeking healing, or offering forgiveness from a distance. But even then, the practice of gratitude can be a powerful force — not to excuse harm, but to acknowledge the complexity of our origins and the humanity of those who brought us into the world.

Living with integrity means remembering. It means not turning away from the people who made our lives possible. It means showing up — not just when it’s convenient, but when it’s hard. It means listening, forgiving, and offering what we can, even if it’s just our presence, our prayers, or our sincere wish for their well-being.

Gratitude is not a one-time act. It’s a way of life. It’s the lens through which we see the world — not as something we own, but as something we’ve been entrusted with. When we live with gratitude, we become stewards of kindness. We become bridges between generations. We become reminders that love is never wasted, and that every act of care ripples outward in ways we may never see.

In the end, integrity is not about grand gestures. It’s about the small, consistent choices we make every day. It’s about how we speak, how we listen, how we remember. And when we live with gratitude — when we truly honor those who gave us life — we become part of a sacred cycle of giving and receiving that sustains the world.

Link: https://wisdomtea.org/2025/11/06/unrepayable-love/

Gratitude

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Gratitude

“Monks, I will teach you about the nature of a person without integrity and a person with integrity. Listen carefully and pay close attention.”

“Yes, Lord,” the monks replied in unison.

The Blessed One began, “What defines a person without integrity? Such a person is ungrateful and unthankful. This ingratitude and lack of thankfulness are characteristics of rude individuals and belong entirely to those without integrity. These individuals fail to recognize and appreciate the good done to them by others. They are driven by selfish desires and a sense of entitlement, neglecting the virtue of gratitude, which is the foundation of a harmonious and compassionate society.

“In contrast, a person with integrity is grateful and thankful. This gratitude and thankfulness are traits of civilized individuals and belong entirely to those with integrity. They recognize the value of the kindness and support they receive from others and make it a point to express their appreciation. Such individuals foster positive relationships and contribute to a community where mutual respect and support flourish.

“Monks, there are two people who are difficult to repay. Who are they? Your mother and father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder and your father on the other for 100 years, attending to their needs by anointing, massaging, bathing, and rubbing their limbs, even if they were to defecate and urinate right there on your shoulders, you still would not have repaid them. If you were to establish them in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, filled with the seven treasures, you still would not have repaid them.

“Why is that? Because parents do much for their children. They care for them, nourish them, and introduce them to this world. From the moment of birth, parents make countless sacrifices, enduring sleepless nights and countless worries to ensure their child’s well-being. They provide food, shelter, education, and unconditional love, guiding their children through the complexities of life. These acts of love and devotion create a debt that is immeasurable.

“However, monks, the greatest way to repay one’s parents is not through material means or physical care alone. True repayment comes from leading them towards the path of virtue and wisdom. If someone inspires his unbelieving mother and father to have faith, guides his unvirtuous parents towards virtue, encourages his stingy parents to be generous, and leads his foolish parents to wisdom, then, to that extent, he has repaid his mother and father.

“Consider the transformative power of such actions. When you rouse your unbelieving parents to embrace faith, you open their hearts to a greater understanding of life’s purpose. By encouraging them to practice virtue, you help them cultivate qualities that bring inner peace and happiness. Inspiring them to be generous allows them to experience the joy of giving, and guiding them towards wisdom leads them to a deeper comprehension of the world and their place in it.

“Monks, remember that integrity and gratitude are the cornerstones of a meaningful life. By embodying these virtues and helping others, especially your parents, to do the same, you contribute to a legacy of compassion and understanding that extends beyond your lifetime. This is the true measure of repayment and the highest expression of filial piety.”

The monks, deeply moved by the Blessed One’s words, reflected on the profound teachings and resolved to cultivate integrity and gratitude in their own lives, vowing to honor and repay their parents in the most meaningful way.

Link: https://wisdomtea.org/2024/07/27/gratitude/

Giving thanks can make you happier

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August 14, 2021

Giving thanks can make you happier

Each holiday season comes with high expectations for a cozy and festive time of year. However, for many this time of year is tinged with sadness, anxiety, or depression. Certainly, major depression or a severe anxiety disorder benefits most from professional help. But what about those who just feel lost or overwhelmed or down at this time of year? Research (and common sense) suggests that one aspect of the Thanksgiving season can actually lift the spirits, and it’s built right into the holiday — being grateful.

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways, gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude). Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.

Research on gratitude

Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics.

One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.

Another leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.

Of course, studies such as this one cannot prove cause and effect. But most of the studies published on this topic support an association between gratitude and an individual’s well-being.

Other studies have looked at how being grateful  can improve relationships. For example, a study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.

Managers who remember to say “thank you” to people who work for them may find that those employees feel motivated to work harder. Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania randomly divided university fund-raisers into two groups. One group made phone calls to solicit alumni donations in the same way they always had. The second group — assigned to work on a different day — received a pep talk from the director of annual giving, who told the fund-raisers she was grateful for their efforts. During the following week, the university employees who heard her message of gratitude made 50% more fund-raising calls than those who did not.

There are some notable exceptions to the generally positive results in research on gratitude. One study found that middle-aged divorced women who kept gratitude journals were no more satisfied with their lives than those who did not. Another study found that children and adolescents who wrote and delivered a thank-you letter to someone who made a difference in their lives may have made the other person happier — but did not improve their own well-being. This finding suggests that gratitude is an attainment associated with emotional maturity.

Ways to cultivate gratitude

Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.

Here are some ways to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis.

Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter or email expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. Make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself.

Thank someone mentally. No time to write? It may help just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally thank the individual.

Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thoughts about the gifts you’ve received each day.

Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you.

Pray. People who are religious can use prayer to cultivate gratitude.

Meditate. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Although people often focus on a word or phrase (such as “peace”), it is also possible to focus on what you’re grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.).

Link: https://wisdomtea.org/2022/01/19/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier/

https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier#:~:text=In%20positive%20psychology%20research%2C%20gratitude,adversity%2C%20and%20build%20strong%20relationships.